The Tiger, April 14th 2023

Change your posture

Getting down to your child’s eye level or below is going to make a big difference in getting them to calm down. If they’ve flopped down to the floor, kneel or sit beside them. Even in public! This helps your child see that you are not a threat but you are there to help them.

Ignore the crowd, focus on your child

Many people in the crowd are not going to understand what it looks like to be raised by emotionally regulated parents. Remember, we can’t fight fire with fire. It might seem alien for bystanders to see a child borrow from their parents’ calm. But it’s okay! Providing a safe space for your child to process their big emotions is only going to help with their social, emotional, and psychological development.

Don’t take things at face value, find the “why”

All behaviour communicates a need that might not necessarily be seen or expressed. It is not just important to validate your child’s feelings but to also find out why they are exhibiting those behaviours. We then need to work at educating our children on expressing their feelings and needs in a healthier way. 

Change the setting for your child, not for the crowd

Some children might be overwhelmed and overstimulated when outside at the mall, in an amusement park, or sometimes even in the grocery store. What they might need is a lot more calm, a lot less noise, and generally, an environment that is not over stimulating. However, make sure that removing your child from the current setting is the need of your child and not something done to appease onlookers.

Ensure you are not dysregulated

Children pick up on cues easily. They can see when you are tense, nervous, and embarrassed even. A dysregulated adult cannot help calm down a dysregulated child. If your words and actions don’t align with how your nervous system is functioning, your child is bound to get more activated. However, if you remain calm, your child will calm down faster and be ready to learn healthier ways to express their needs.

Be proactive, not reactive. Pick the right teachable moment

Instead of waiting for a meltdown to educate your child on what coping skills to use, educate them preemptively/proactively. Remember, the moment of dysregulation is not the time to educate them. Wait for them to calm down and connect with you before you try to correct their behaviour. 

If you need more suggestions or would like to have a detailed conversation about this topic, feel free to write to me at neeti.sarkar@stonehill.in

Neeti Sarkar

PYP Counsellor